What to Expect in Couples Therapy

When I begin working with a new couple, I do not approach couples therapy with a predetermined agenda or assume that the presenting problem tells the whole story. I use the initial sessions to understand the relationship as a whole, including what brings the couple to therapy, how each partner experiences the relationship, what they have already tried, and what they hope will be different as a result of therapy. I then use this information to collaboratively develop a treatment focus and structure future sessions around the couple’s specific needs.

Questions may include:

• “What happens inside you when this occurs?”

• “What do you most want your partner to understand about your experience?”

• “When you feel disconnected from your partner, what do you tend to do?”

A central part of my assessment is understanding the cycle that develops between partners. Rather than viewing one person as “the problem,” I look at what happens between them. This helps us identify the repetitive cycle the couple becomes caught in. The goal is to help partners begin seeing the cycle as something they are both participating in rather than viewing one another as adversaries.

Ultimately, I create couples therapy sessions around the unique relationship in front of me. My goal is to understand the couple's individual experiences while also keeping sight of the larger relational system—the patterns, emotions, needs, strengths, and vulnerabilities that shape how the partners respond to one another. As our understanding of the relationship develops, the therapy evolves with it.

What to Expect in Individual Therapy

When I begin working with a new individual client, I want to understand the whole person—not just the problem that brought you to therapy. Our first sessions are an opportunity for you to tell your story, help me understand what you are experiencing, and begin identifying what you would like to change. I do not use a one-size-fits-all approach. I draw from several therapeutic approaches, including Emotionally Focused Individual Therapy (EFIT), Internal Family Systems (IFS), somatic exploration, Motivational Interviewing, and systemic therapy. I integrate these approaches based on what seems most helpful for you.

I may ask questions such as:

• “What brought you to therapy at this point in your life?”

• “What would you like to be different?”

• “If therapy were helpful, what would you notice changing in your life?”

• “What would you like to understand about yourself?”

We may explore the difference between the emotion you can easily access and the more vulnerable emotion underneath it. The goal is not to make you feel more emotional. It is to help you understand your emotions as meaningful information rather than something you simply need to get rid of.

Some common things I like to explore are:

• Your body’s responses to stressors and emotions

• The parts of you that are showing up to help you, even if they feel frustrating

• Exploring patterns in relationships (e.g., work, romantic, family)

• Understanding the stories/narratives we tell ourselves

You do not need to arrive at your first session with a perfectly organized story, a diagnosis, or a clear list of treatment goals. Part of my role is to help us figure out what is important to explore, while making sure that your goals, your experiences, and your sense of what feels meaningful remain at the center of the work.